There’s been this ongoing tendency that I have where I’ll catch myself doing something primarily for utilitarian purposes.

For example, journaling. I have been journaling for over ten years. It exists in my life in a way that isn’t some kind of aesthetic for a Pinterest feed but an essential practice or rhythm. I can sense how scrambled my brain starts getting when I’m not regularly writing and processing my thoughts.

But sometimes I go to the page with my first thought being "How can this benefit me?” That’s not to say that a practice like journaling can be beneficial. There are benefits. But this question more so comes from a place of “I can’t get anything out of this experience unless it benefits me or rewards me in some way.”

I’m not sure who to blame for this. I don’t need to spend a lot of time looking for someone to blame. What I can do, though, is recognize the tendency, take responsibility, and then move back into the disposition of just being able to enjoy something simply because it exists and that it’s a possibility.

No need to approach it with a mindset of extraction. No need to force something out of the experience. When we do that, we move through our world carelessly, thinking of ourselves as the primary locus of where meaning is generated.

But when we approach these things with a simplicity, an openness…you begin to learn that you can just enjoy it without any kind of ulterior motive.

At least that’s what I’m learning. Life becomes a little less serious and a little more playful.

A Kurt Vonnegut quote that just came to mind:

A lack of seriousness has led to all sorts of wonderful insights.

Yeah. Heard that, Kurt.